The Thing About Poop

The thing about poop is that it just keeps coming. It happens to everybody- hopefully every day or so. I just don't like it when it happens in someone's pants. Here are a couple of my most recent poop stories (and my reason for not blogging much lately... i'm up to my ears in poop)

Story #1

Last week we took a bathroom break where the whole class went in and used the restroom. We return to class and less than 5 minutes later a little boy says, "Mrs. Sawyer, I need to use the bathroom." I, of course, said, "No. we just went." He ran to the door to leave. I reminded him, "I just said no. We just went, please sit down." He looks at me, then walks to his seat and sits without a word.

About 30 seconds later, he looks at me, "Mrs. Sawyer, I just pooped in my pants." Lovely. "Okay, let's go to the bathroom." So I grab my rubber gloves, a ziploc bag, baby wipes, and his clean clothes out of his back pack.

We walk into the bathroom (I am a regular in the boys bathroom now). He pulls his pants down, and suddenly it falls on the ground! I am staring at a baseball size round ball of poop. It is also green. And it looks kinda foamy. I am wondering if this is poop or a giant lint ball. I realize it must be poop and am sick to my stomach.

I tell him to sit on the toliet and try to finish pooping. As he climbs onto the toliet, I can see that the poop is now covering his legs and he is smearing it all over the toliet seat. I realize I am the lucky one who will get to clean it. And I think "how did I end up in this job? and what is God trying to teach me?"

As I watch him poop, he is telling me, "Mrs. Sawyer, do you know that boys have penises, but girls don't. That's what my mommy says. But I don't understand how they pee." I told him to ask his mommy.

He finishes and turns around for me to wipe him. I pick up the ball of foamy green poop and put it in the toliet and wipe his bottom and legs and the toliet. We return to class.

It is lunch time.
I try to eat my lunch.
I don't feel good.
I take a sick day the next day.
the end.

Story # 2

As we line up for PE, I start to smell poop. I ask if anyone had an accident. The reply was silence. Except for the little girl who says, " I didn't have an accident. But I did see the poop on the floor, so I squished it in with my shoes. See?"

Yes, her shoe is covered in poop. I put on gloves. I take her shoe. I get to clean it. I call housekeeping to clean my rug. NOBODY will admit to pooping in their pants. SOMEBODY is walking around with poopy undies and I can't find them. I send them all to PE.

The PE teacher brings the class to the bathrooms to check undies. I help in the boys bathroom (again, I'm a regular there). I don't force any boy to let me see their undies- and a few check their undies in the stalls- so there is no success in discovering the culprit.

I wash the shoe. Shoes have a LOT of little grooves. It stinks.

I walk into the classroom, and I can STILL smell poop. I walk around and see a HUGE smear of it. I call housekeeping back again. Now I think I know who the culprit is. I am right.

We go to the bathroom together. I tell him to check his undies again and let me see them. He tells me they just have pink juice. I tell him there is also poop. (What is pink juice in undies anyways?) I go get him clean undies, a ziploc, my rubber gloves.

Then he tells me he needs new pants, they have boo-boo on them. OH - NOW he wants to admit to having poop in there, after I have gone in and out of the boys bathroom about 4 times. LOVELY.



I apologize for so many stories about poop. but it is what i do. I realize that when i have my own children, this will happen and will be the norm. I understand that. That is what motherhood is. I will be ready for it. I did not go to college to clean poopy pants all day. It is NOT the same when it is some one else's child and you are the professional teacher in the classroom. It is very different.

Honestly, it's very humbling. I think God is trying to teach me humilty. I'm going to start praying that I am a fast learner. Please pray for me. I've had enough poop for the rest of the year. thank you and hopefully some of that actually made you laugh.